


Crack fic collection

by Musical_life



Category: Assassination Classroom, Persona 5
Genre: Crack Crossover, F/M, Gen, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-03-02 01:00:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13307067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Musical_life/pseuds/Musical_life
Summary: Crack fics, forever a work in progress.





	1. An Alternate Awakening

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ReallyLazerReader](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReallyLazerReader/gifts).



> Damn you!!!!!!!
> 
> Inspired by a throwaway discord comment.

As Akira is pinned behind two spears, he hears a voice that sounds like him yet at the same time not.

_Dying is not in the cards today…._

He grips his head, barely restraining a moan from escaping his lips as a smiley-face mask appears.

 _Thou art I, and I am thou and all that rot. Now call upon me!_ Akira rips it off with a manic grin. “Koro!”

_That’s Koro-sensei, but close enough…_ As a yellow octopus-like being with a grinning giant head standing around ten feet tall emerges from the blue flames that appeared around and behind Akira. Koro looks at Shadow Suguru and casually wraps one of his tentacles around the Shadow’s neck, squeezing. The shadow claws at it, wheezing before he’s thrown to the ground. “Pathetic,” Kuro spits out.


	2. I'm Gonna Miss Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My muse loves to beat me over the head with ideas...
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwRrKaq0IyY

Akira stands at the door with his fishing pole as Ann meets him there. “If you go fishing again, I’ll be packing my things and be gone by noon!” Akira looks at her and leaves. He drives to the nearest lake. 

_I’m gonna miss her…_ He thinks as he throws his line out and feels a bite.

Hours pass in the sun, he keeps getting bites and he considers racing back home to catch Ann before she’s gone. But he then gets another bite, so he starts to reel the fish in. 

_I hope she’ll be home still when I get there…_


	3. Persona 5 Abridged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pure crack retelling of the game.

The protag gets himself slapped with an assault charge because crooked cops and an even more crooked politician, he then gets shipped off to Tokyo like trash to stay with an absolute stranger who acts like a hard ass because his parents are mentally abusive. On the way there, he sees himself with yellow eyes and blue fire, this is far too weird for him.

Author thinks: You have no idea…

First day of school, gets lost and that damned app shows up again after it was deleted last night. Author considers tossing phone in a lake and changing their phone number. Ryuji, the idiot blond who followed me in, gets in trouble. Author can sympathize with the character, headaches and other pains are nothing to joke about. 

Finds a cat-like creature, who insists he’s not a cat and is in fact male, despite having a female name and VA. Author would love to check, but doesn’t want to get scratched to death. Am late to school, finally get home and get read the riot act. Pretends to be meek in order to get out of it. 

Blond number 1 aka Ryuji convinces aka bullies me into going back to the Palace, picking up blonde number 2 on accident. Said blonde gets herself trapped and we have to rescue the idiot. Shit happens and we have a new teammate, yay!

The attic the protag is stuck in gets called a dump, author thinks: I can easily kick you out. Sojiro finds out about the cat, for Morgana’s own good he is allowed to stay. Still need to clean up around here, but am tired and sore…

Days pass, we kick the evil teacher’s perverted, scummy ass and prevent ourselves from being expelled. Author wants to stuff a sock in said cat’s mouth on principle.

Next month a eccentric artist runs into us, wants to paint Ann, she thinks he wants nudes. Agrees to offer after finding about his mentor who is a plagiarizing asshole. Author loves being an asshole to Mona and hates the lazer maze, getting constantly turned around and almost fried by said lazers. Mona is an idiot who acts like a cat too much and sets off a trap. So much gold in this area! My eyes!!! Also, Yusuke, just tell us the answer instead of having me make a mistake and set off a trap! Madarame is an egotistical bastard who needs a reality check.

Trip to TV studio, meet a celebrity, idiot makes a mistake and mentions cake when Morgana was talking about pancakes, party does nothing… Cue groaning and many pancake boy jokes among the fanbase. More ribbing Morgana, cat makes it too easy. Chick is stalking me/us, I pretend not to notice though she is bad at it. An easy palace this time, for a value of easy. Another new teammate! Becomes second in command.

Find out about Futaba after she contacts us under the alias of Alibaba, save her from herself and she sleeps for three weeks, waking up just in time to deal with a hacker group. Author is dumbfounded, even being tired like she was should have only kept her out for a full day or two at most. Sojiro visibly melts like an ice cube.

School starts up again, go on school trip to Hawaii, author is again left to wonder about the logistics. Ryuji and Morgana have their blow up and the latter runs off, author just wants to throw both of them in a safe room to either work out their differences or kill themselves, of course author also wants to strangle Mona in general. Even after the cat is gone, still can’t stay up late. Good thing about Mona missing is that a new member and one of the last, other than the traitor, shows up.

Find out about about Makoto’s sister’s palace after traitor bullies himself into the group, despite this, wants to learn more about Goro and wishes they could hang out more. Where am I? Why am I here…? Survived being drugged and beaten, but am scarred for life. Got saved by Niijima and taken to the hot goth doctor after arriving back at Leblanc. Think I remember hearing a phone call, but it’s hazy.

Days pass, I drag myself away from Takemi’s clutches; no time to heal now, elections are coming up and I need to kick the ass of the man who put me on probation to begin with. Party gets the letters and there are many regrets on not being able to save the traitor so he can at least pay for what he’s done.

Find out the being behind everything disguised itself as Igor and called itself Yaldabaoth, am given the choice to have the world reset and resume being a Thief but don’t take it causing Lavenza to smile. Long, but rather wimpy boss battle ensues and after said battle am approached by Sae to turn myself in so she can get Shido. I agree with the caveat that I’m given a little more time. She agrees to give me a few more hours and I spend them with my teammates. Author wishes this was an option instead of just one person or alone.

Turn myself in and get myself stuck in juvie due to breaking probation, don’t get out until February 13th. Am taken back to Leblanc and the party there, I’ve been hugged to death but don’t care, my family’s here. End up having to be driven back to my parents place even though I don’t want to leave and they don’t either.

Author restarts the game after the true ending in hopes of saving Goro, levels do not pass over; fuck. Can’t save Goro even though you want to nor romance him, double fuck.


	4. Power Moves and Extra Idiots

The Phantom Thieves arrive at the treasure in Shido's palace with Crow following behind them, unsure how Akira persuaded him to rejoin the group. Shido's shadow is there waiting, during his monologue, Joker grabs Crow, dips him and kisses him in front of everyone. The Thieves look shocked while Shido roars and rushes toward Joker and Crow. Crow pushes Joker away from him and dives to the side as the others prepare themselves for battle, they're joined a few minutes later by Crow and Joker.

“Are you ready?” Joker asks.

Crow looks at Joker determined. “Let’s do this.”

After the battle, the Thieves are scrambling to escape and find the lifeboat but the switch is thirty meters away. Ryuji states he can run and grab the switch after they find the boat is stuck however Goro suggests cutting the ropes; they're only stuck halfway and the worst anyone would get are a few bumps if they didn't get soaked from falling out. Ryuji grudgingly agrees and gets himself settled while Goro borrows a spare knife from Akira and they begin to saw at the ropes, as both of them wear the ropes down to a thread, Goro and Akira sit down letting everyone's weight tip the scales.

As Akira and Goro row away, Ryuji gets his phone out and activates the nav, returning everyone to Tokyo. They separate and Akira leads Goro back to Leblanc, explaining things to an irritable Sojiro who waves the two of them upstairs.

Goro looks at Akira with a tired expression. “So, what do we do next?”

“We take it day by day and see where life takes us, but for now let's get some sleep; I have a spare pair of pajamas in the box over there. Sorry it's not better, but I only expected to be here a year. Now though, I don't know…”

Goro changes after Akira finished and they both settle themselves in bed, falling asleep instantly.


End file.
